that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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