People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
