Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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