well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
