her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
