Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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