I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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