forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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