party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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