Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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