walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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