You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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