She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
