I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize