Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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