Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
