i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
