i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize