I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
