i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
