I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
