i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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