Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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