so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We got so high we made milksteak
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
