I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
MIDGETS
????
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
