My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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