Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
These tits shall not be calmed
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
