bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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