I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
