I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
