He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
