I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
