We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
