Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize