How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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