Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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