Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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