i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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