Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
