my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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