Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
