I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
