i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
