Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
