Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
