im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
sarcasm needs its own font
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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