Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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