you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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