We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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