mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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