Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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