He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
