he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
