Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The feeling are messing with the penis
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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