i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
