his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize