She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
