Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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