everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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