Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
