Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
