ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
