i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
