i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
