somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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