Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just want to make out with him forever
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
