When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
