i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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