when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
