Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
