I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
