So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
